For children, hearing that their parents are getting divorced can be a challenging experience. This can make it very difficult to know how to approach the subject with your kids, especially if you fear that the news will have a devastating effect on them.
When it comes to initially telling your children about your divorce, there are several tips to keep in mind that can ultimately make the process easier on your child.
Sharing the news
Research shows that children are often able to remember the time, setting and circumstances of their parents informing them about their divorce for years following the event. Deciding when and where to tell your children the news can make a substantial difference on how they deal with it.
Selecting a space that is both familiar and comforting is highly recommended. Additionally, you should inform your kids promptly so that they don’t learn about it through an outside source, such as friends or other family members.
On the other hand, be sure to strategically pick the time to inform them—letting them know the day or even week prior to an important school test, for example, could adversely affect their academic performance and make the process even more stressful for them.
Communicating clearly
As you enter the process of dissolving your marriage, it is of the utmost importance that you maintain a clear and open line of communication between you, your spouse and your children. Despite any differences that you may have with your former partner, the wellbeing of your kids must always come first.
There are two critical matters to consider when communicating about your divorce with your children. First, think about whether you are effectively answering your kids’ questions or concerns. It can be difficult to determine what is an appropriate amount of communication depending the age and emotional maturity of your child, but regardless of how you discuss the end of your marriage, honesty is usually the best policy.
Second, both parents must consistently work to make it clear that the children are not to blame for the divorce. Making it clear that you are both accepting responsibility for the divorce will help to prevent your kids from assuming they are somehow to blame. This can be quite common in children of all ages, and it’s something you want to avoid for their long-term mental and emotional health.
For further guidance on how you can best proceed with a divorce in New Jersey, consult a skilled and compassionate New Brunswick family law attorney with the Law Office of Steven M. Cytryn.
