Finding a way to resolve issues when tensions run high
Coming to an agreement on child custody is never easy; even when couples seek the most amicable solutions.
When divorce is contentious to begin with, child custody becomes a major flashpoint and among the most difficult issues between combative spouses.
It is hard to put aside anger, resentment, fear and frustration, but an inability or refusal to do so only brings more harm to children.
What is a high-conflict divorce?
Inability to agree on anything, outward hostility, allegations (false or otherwise) of domestic violence or substance abuse, finger-pointing, ongoing battles in the courtroom, unwillingness to communicate in a civil and productive manner, if at all: these are just some of the worst characteristics of a high-conflict divorce.
Often, these behaviors are a heightened continuation of what was going on in the marriage even before divorce proceedings started.
Being able to put aside animosity towards a spouse for the sake of the children would seem to be what any parent would want, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
As one high-conflict divorce study cited: “Parents who are involved in high-conflict divorces typically show minimal, and often even a complete lack, of understanding of the effects of their conflicts on the children.”
If you and your spouse are involved in a contentious divorce, it’s important to understand what it may do to your children and think about what you can do to prevent further harm.
Determining an appropriate approach to resolution—for the sake of your children
It may be difficult to put aside your own anger and resentment, but there are things you can do to help ensure that effective resolution can be reached:
- Set boundaries: Don’t take the bait when the other parent is dramatic and make sure they understand that they cannot invade your space or interrupt your time with the children.
- Manage your emotions: Often, your spouse’s demands, rants and put-downs are intended to get a reaction from you. If you feel you are being provoked, stay calm, especially in front of your children.
- Be factual, not opinionated: Of course, you have opinions; but aside from discussing them with your attorney or therapist, don’t share them with your ex. It will just give them fuel for the fire. Stick to facts.
- Be the best parent you can be: As much as possible, keep your children out of any arguments you have with your spouse. Don’t berate their other parent and be confident in your own ability to provide a loving, healthy home for your children.
Talk to an attorney who can help guide you through a difficult, contentious divorce
Finding the best legal strategy to get through a high-conflict divorce is as important for your children as it is for you.
To learn more about how New Brunswick divorce attorney Steven Cytryn can help, please contact us online or call our office at (732) 214-1103.
